Thought of the Day: Marriage

Greetings in Christ Jesus, fellow soldiers.

When we think of marriage, we often start with the bad news, which makes sense in this day and age. Close to half of marriages become statistics. Much of the other half avoid becoming statistics, but still become simply survivors--those who marriages last a lifetime, but often lacking in the beauty that comes with marital love and fidelity.

For those looking to get married, they must avoid both of these pitfalls. We are not meant to merely survive in our marriages, but thrive. And as we aim for this goal, here are two things we need to remember in order to get there: (1) We are sinners, and (2) We need grace.

First, we are sinners. This is an incredibly tough truth to grasp, and the reality is, we can often avoid thinking upon it. We can adopt a superficial, "I'm fine, you're fine" persona with most people. For those who require more intimacy, like dear friends and family, we always avoid being confront regarding our sinful nature by simply leaving at the end of the day. We are not bound to them in any enduring way.

But we do not have this option in marriage. We are laying our cards on the table. We are letting the barriers to our sinful hearts come down for the sake of greater intimacy. We do all of this, even though it's incredibly painful...at least we should do this. Yet, as often happens, when our spouse--who acts as a mirror of sin upon our own heart--exposes the ugly and painful things buried deep within us, we fight or flee. We fight, in that we turn the pain upon our spouse in order to keep them away. We flee, in that we'll retreat into silence, or behind a slammed door, or in divorce.

But the reality of sin does not need to lead down these dark avenues, if only we combine the reality of sin with the reality of grace. This leads to our second point, we need grace.

All sinners do. We need it from the outset and in the homestretch. We need it over and over and over again. We need it when we're being ugly and unlovable, we especially need when we think we're doing okay. Grace pardons sin. It creates a secure environment, where sinners can fail, learn, and grow in the safety of unconditional love. But because of our sin, this grace does not come naturally to us.

That is why we do as God instructed through the Apostle Paul, "in view of Christ's mercy, to offer our bodies as living sacrifices." (Rom. 12:1) There is no one more offended by our sin than the holy and just God who reigns over this world, so that, as we are told, "God is justified when He judges." But we are also told that "at just the right time, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." He who rightly judges the world sent forth His own Son to bear that judgment in the place of sinners. In His unconditional love, sinners can now know life secured by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. So Christians live in view of this mercy, and this new life, by His power, transforms relationships, especially marriage.

We are consequently give a charge: To freely confess our sin and to freely extend grace. The humility and security that extends from this basic posture enables marriages to not only survive, but thrive. We are to never use the "D" word or tell our spouse we don't love him or her. We are never to say "He/she needs help but I don't need help." Rather, we cling to cross, and in so doing will also cling to our spouse in love.